Doing Everything, Connecting with No One?

Speaker A00:00:28

Do your holidays always feel like a blur? Listen to this. Nearly 8 in 10Americans are busy making the holiday special for others and they neglect their own needs.Here's one I thought that you could really lean into if you're a mom listening to this show or soon to be mother or you remember your own mother. Moms are twice as likely as dads to report high stress during the holidays. Listen to this one.Over half of working mothers feel guilty when they try to balance family time with work during the holidays. Which leads me to today's listener question.Ralph, I always get so busy during the holidays trying to make everything perfect that I barely have time to just sit down with my family. How can I slow down this holiday and be more present? Well, thank you for your question.And the truth is the greatest gift you can give this Christmas isn't wrapped. That might be the big takeaway for the show. It's your presence.See, because people remember your attention more than I remember those presents, those gifts under the tree. So let's talk about building your presence on today's show.

Speaker B00:01:30

This is Financially Confident Christian, your daily dose of gospel, grounded insight and faith driven tips to help you break the cycle of financial shame with confidence.

Speaker A00:01:42

Welcome to the show. I'm Ralph and I just want to thank you again for joining me on the show today.If you're new to the show, this is the show where I try to help you break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence. And you join us in the middle of our series about Christmas, trying to keep the joy in the holiday without going broke.And today we're talking about that feeling of being so busy. And I've seen it in my own career so many times that people trade connection for busyness. And then when the holidays are over, it's that blur.You regret it. You didn't make those connections.And I've learned something and it took me 53 years to do it, but I've learned the peace of being present far outweighs the pride of being productive. I want to say that again because I want you to lean into that.The peace of being present, being there for your family, your loved ones, it far outweighs the pride of being productive. I'm not saying don't be productive, but let's get to today's story. I want to tell you about my mom. Now.My mom has since passed away a couple years ago and I miss her dearly, just about every day. I never realized how much I would miss her. And then coming up to the holidays man, it just reinforces that.But I want to share something kind of funny today. My mom was one of those people, man. She wanted the holidays to be perfect for everybody. She wanted it to be everything just right.I mean, the food, the decorations, the gifts. I mean, it was her day to shine.The problem is, looking back at it now, by the time they got after dinner, she was exhausted and she was so busy that she lost the ability to enjoy any family time. She didn't have the time to sit on the couch with us and reminisce about things. Finally, usually about 7 o' clock at night, she'd come in.You know, she'd still have her work. Her thing for cooking. I can't think of what it's called.But the thing for when you're cooking, she'd still have it on herself and she'd just plop down on the sofa and you could teach. She was tired. She didn't even want to connect at that point. It was just a blur afterwards. And I love what Max Lucado said.I found this quote for today's show. It doesn't quite fit, but I think it does in a lot of ways. He said, God didn't tell me, clean up before you come in. He offered this.He said, come in and I'll clean you up. It's not my grip on him that matters, but his grip on me. And his grip is for sure.So in his presence in my life, Christmas presents from Santa, that's nice. But the perpetual presence of Christ, that's life changing. And I, you know, the reason I picked that is the presence of Christ.We can all learn from that. It's not the season of the holiday. It's not the gifts. It's not all the stuff that you're putting out on the table and the decorations.It's your presence. Those are the things you're going to remember. So let's get back to our question today. How do we connect this Christmas, not lose ourselves?I want to start by saying this. First of all, stop looking for perfection. Your presence is greater than perfection. Nobody is going to remember that perfect dinner table.Sorry, Mom, I hate to spoil it for you. Nobody's gonna remember that you had the perfect tablecloth and the perfect fork and the knife and the cups and all the beautiful things.She had the best china for Christmas. I'm talking about had the holly and the Christmas trees on it. That's not what I remember. I remember the love. So start there.You don't have to be perfect. Just be present and don't get stuck in the busyness trap. It's so easy to get stuck in that busyness trap.We feel like we have this need to overdo to prove our love to somebody. You know, if I don't do it all, I think it's my mom felt that she wanted to make sure she was going overboard. She want us to feel that love.But love's not felt that way yet. That's part of it. But love is shown best through listening and being there for somebody. And I had to realize that in my life.That love sometimes is shown by listening. It's those conversations that matter. Not the perfect meal, not the perfect gifts, not the perfect decoration, that beautiful Christmas tree.That's all great. But it's those conversations that listening, connecting with your loved ones. There's nothing I'm going to encourage you to do. Slow down.Many people run themselves ragged.One of the things my wife does, and I think this is a great idea for any of the highest Thanksgiving, Christmas, she prepares ahead of time, she plans ahead, she cooks ahead, even. She prepares everything in advance. That way she can have those quiet moments together. She doesn't have to be stuck.Not that she doesn't still have time in the kitchen. Don't misunderstand. My wife puts out a beautiful setting for Christmas or for Thanksgiving. Those things are great.But it's those quiet moments, that togetherness, that really matters. And that's what changes the whole day. So here's another thing I'm going to encourage you to do. Set some boundaries for your family.Turn off that stupid phone. Just stop during the holidays, put the phones in a basket. It gets a great idea. Somebody told me about this.They said, ralph, what we do next to the front door, when you come into my house, there's a basket. Everybody's cell phone or device gets put in there. Here's the problem. They be blunt. Everybody's phone is also their camera.Now, so you might have to have a little grace here. But listen, if you're sitting there scrolling, tell them, stop scrolling. Let's talk.You know, leave it at the door because here's the big takeaway for today. Connection wins. The people you love need you. They need your time. They don't need your schedule. They don't need your performance.They don't need your fanciness. They don't need all the gifts. Those things are great. Show love by doing those things. That's fantastic. But they want you.It's all about the relationships. Which leads me to today's Bible verse. This one comes to us from the book of John, probably the most poetic verse of the bible.John, chapter 15, verse 12. And it says this. My command is this. Love each other as I have loved you.And I just want to lean into that a minute because that's how we really show love, by our presence. Not those things under tree, not the presence, but your presence. That's how we show love. My command is this. Love each other as I have loved you.That's what Christ gives all of us, his presence in our lives. Your loved ones need the same thing. Your friends, your family, that's what they're looking for from you. So slow down. It doesn't have to be perfect.It doesn't have to be a big production. Let's pray together, Lord, as we get into this holiday season. Help me to slow down, Lord, and help me to be fully present with those I love.Not so worried about that perfect day. And I just ask right now that you would teach me to value that connection over control. I feel like I got to control everything.I feel like I got to be in charge. I got to make sure everything is perfect. The table is set, the china is correct, the tree is perfect, the lights are beautiful.But help me to remember that your presence is the important part. And my presence to the people around me is what really brings peace. So help me reflect that, your peace in every moment of my life.Lord, I just ask this in confidence. In the name of Jesus, Amen. So here's my one action item for today. It's pretty super simple.I just want you to pick one gathering or family moment this week. Put away your phone and give it your full attention. I'm going to go on a little rant here right now.One of the things that really bothers me, I go out to dinner with my wife a lot, and I look around the restaurant and I see people, husband and wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever that looks like. Dating, it doesn't matter. And they're both on their phones. They got their head down in their phones. That's a communication opportunity.Put the stupid phone away and have a communication. You're not going. It doesn't matter what's on Instagram, it doesn't matter what's on TikTok. Who cares about that stuff?You got somebody that cares about you sitting across from you. Make eye contact with that person, you know, listen to them, find out what's going on in their life. Because when you do that, peace will follow.And listen, I'm going to encourage you something right now. Don't let the encouragement of today's show. Stop here. One of the things that I'm going to encourage you to do is follow the show.You might have just popped in for the first time. One of the things you can do to reduce that friction is you can actually follow the show. We made it easy to do that.If you go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/follow, you can see there how you can add us straight to your repertoire. Whatever you listen to us on, whether it be Apple or Android or Spotify, whatever those things are. And here's something you might not have known.We're actually on Rumble. You can actually see my pretty face and you can hear my voice at the same time. We even do some cool graphics and all that stuff.You want to check out the Rumble show? It's released every day. Made it super simple for you to get to it. Just go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/rumble.That's R U m B L e. A lot of people say, what's Rumble? It's kind of like the competition to YouTube. But I'm encourage you to go there.We're really trying to build our Rumble presence and keep choosing your presence over pressure. One moment at a time, one conversation, one day at a time.Because the truth is, this presence is the most meaningful gift that you can give this season. So slow down. Love shows up in those unhurried moments. Be with your people. Everything else can wait. I'm going to encourage you today.Be a financially confident Christian, stay financially savvy. God bless you, and I hope you join me again on tomorrow's show.